The Self Employed Mom

Working from home doesn’t eliminate good-byes

by Jacqueline Dooley
The other day I was hugging my children goodnight and preparing them for a one-day business trip I’d scheduled for the next day. “I’ll be gone before you get up tomorrow, so be good for daddy. I’ll see you Tuesday.” 

It’s something I’ve said a lot over the past few years in one form or another, and it always makes me a little heartsick. What it boils down to is that it doesn’t matter how many times I say good-bye, I always regret leaving my children behind.

My expectations were somewhat naïve when I started working from home. I wanted more time with my child (I only had one back then) which eliminating the commute, however short, definitely gave me. But I also wanted to avoid the heart wrenching separation anxiety I felt each morning when my toddler sobbed and begged me to stay home. Unfortunately, self-employment didn’t change that as much as I thought it would.

It doesn’t matter whether you work from home, have to deal with a daily commute or fall somewhere in between, working parents are accustomed to frequent good-byes. Each day, whether my kids are home or in school, I hang out with them for as long as I can and then I kiss them on the cheek, give them a big hug and say good-bye.

Some days I welcome this good-bye, even though it inevitably produces that now familiar tug of sadness as I ascend the stairs to my office. Separation can be a good thing. It makes me appreciate the time I have with my kids more than if they were always near me. It also gives my children an opportunity to connect with other people in their lives – their father, their teachers, their friends.

But I’ll admit that most days the tug of sadness I feel during those morning goodbyes doesn’t completely go away. What’s even worse is that by 5:00 p.m., I’m often emotionally and physically spent, having been up since 6:30 a.m. running around all day.

I wish I could offer up the perfect solution to the ever-present feeling of missing my children. I’d thought that self-employment would be the answer, but I was wrong. I can dream of vast wealth and the unlimited freedom it would give me to spend my days the way I want, but that doesn’t change the number of times I say good-bye to my kids each week.

For me, the process of self-actualization – of realizing what it is I want to do with my life and building a path towards that dream, brick by painful brick, is all part of the learning process. Right now my family needs me to work full-time, and I’ve been able to create a business that gives me the flexibility to do that AND maximize my time with my children.

But I’m afraid that’s not enough for me. I am determined to find a better way to success – one that reduces the number of good-byes, allows me some time to work on something I love and will eventually provide for my family, and doesn’t take everything out of me each day.

I know it sounds unlikely, but if you asked me if it was possible for me to do my job entirely from home five years ago, I would’ve said, “probably not, but I have to try.”

–

This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, July 28, 2007.

Overcoming Self-Imposed Deadlines

by Jacqueline Dooley 

I’ve been focused on being on time for as long as I can remember and my kids appear to be following the same path. Between day care, school, play dates, gymnastics, holidays, parties, family dinners and other events, we’re literally always rushing out the door.
 

And if it’s not something kid-specific, then it’s something job-specific that pushes me to rush my two little girls each morning so I don’t fall behind schedule. This stresses everyone out and has prompted me to wonder about the necessity of self-imposed deadlines and if it’s at all possible to change my burning need to be on time (or a few minutes early).
 

If you have to punch in, sign in or check in to a full-time job at an office at a specific time, then having a set time you do things each morning makes sense. But what does being on time mean when you work from home or for yourself?
I’m learning it doesn’t mean much, actually. Unless I have a specific event scheduled, then it doesn’t make a difference if I start my day at 9 or 10:30 a.m. or noon. The one caveat to this brilliant realization is I still need to get my work done.
 

The funny thing about being a free agent is it’s extremely easy to mess up. Thus, there are two main criteria pushing me to impose strict deadlines on my life - fear and temptation. I know if I don’t exercise discipline on a regular basis, then I tend to blow work off.
 

Somewhat ironically, my children do not have the same luxury of freedom as I do. My 6-year-old needs to be signed in at camp between 8:30 and 8:45 a.m. SHARP. My 3-year-old is also in a summer preschool program and if I don’t get her to school by 8:30 a.m., she misses breakfast.
 

Designing my life

In many ways, self-employment has allowed me to shape and mold my life in new and unexpected ways. Still, all the freedom I have with my work hasn’t come close to undoing the conditioning a lifetime of scheduling has burned into my brain. This has given me the discipline to run my own business and consistently meet client expectations.
 

But what good is having the freedom to design your life if you never exercise that freedom, even a little bit? So, I’ve begun trying to relax my need to get started at a specific time each day. I’m also trying to extend that flexibility to my children’s schedules. For example, I’ve been giving my 6-year-old the option of staying home from camp on days when it’s raining or extremely hot. I mean, it’s camp, for crying out loud.
I do want my children to respect other people’s time. I also want them to function well in a society that’s very addicted to being on time. Still, I hope introducing flexibility and freedom into their daily routines at an early age will arm them with the skills they need to one day design lives that make them both happy.
 

Strategies for Staying Connected when You Work From Home

One of the biggest challenges I face as a remote consultant is staying connected with colleagues, clients and peers. While it’s true that there are many tools to help me maintain constant contact with people who I work directly with or for, staying visible to my larger network of associates can be difficult.

I’ve learned that networking with people through e-mail, instant messages and phone calls is crucial to growing my business, maintaining client relationships and remaining visible in my industry. There are several strategies that I’ve developed to help me stay “present” in my industry even though I work far from the offices of Madison Avenue and Silicon Valley.

Keeping a Blog

Like most Web marketers, I maintain a blog. The term “blog” is short for “web log.” It’s a Web site that functions as a chronological journal focused on a specific topic or series of topics. For example, political blogs such as HuffingtonPost.com are highly visible with the media and provide a forum for different writers (e.g., bloggers) to speak up about political issues.

My blog speaks for me even when I’m not working, by coming up in Google (for example) when someone types “PPC Advice” or something else that I’ve written about. I link to my blog in my e-mail signature and from my business’s Web site. This helps prospective and existing clients get to know a little more about how I think, work and approach my business.

Having a blog forces me to keep up with industry changes and events and it’s also a way for me to reach out to past and present clients on a regular basis. I almost always e-mail a link to my latest blog post (e.g., article) to clients if I think it’s relevant to their business.

Article Writing

In my industry, writing articles is one of THE best ways to get exposure for your business. Many content and news-based marketing sites are in desperate need of articles. These sites often allow me to republish pieces that I’ve already posted to my blog. Third-party sites can be a great source of referrals for my business since they almost always publish a short byline about me including a link back to my web site.

Posting articles on well-known industry sites is another great excuse to reach out to clients. When I get an article published, I typically send out a few e-mails to clients, colleagues and peers asking them to check it out. Publishing articles on third-party Web sites also lends a bit more credibility to my expertise than just keeping my own blog.

Additionally, articles that are published online tend to stick around for a while. I still get referrals and inquiries from people who have read articles of mine that I published over two years ago.

Industry Conferences & Events

The best way to get face time with people in my industry is to attend one of the many professional conferences and events that occur throughout the year. If it weren’t for conferences, networking lunches and the occasional happy hour, I would very rarely get to see  people face-to-face. I find that getting out and meeting people is a great way to regain enthusiasm for work when I’m feeling burnt out or isolated.

Getting speaking engagements at conferences is an even better way to get some industry face time. Since speakers generally attend conferences for free, this is also a cost-effective way to stay connected with industry peers and clients.

–

This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on July 7, 2007 with the title “Blogging, writing helping me stay visible“

Independence feels good

About six years ago, I read two books that changed my view of work. One was called “Who Moved My Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and Your Life” by Spencer Johnson and Kenneth Blanchard.

The book is written in the form of a fable about four Mice - Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw. The story demonstrates how each mouse handles change. Change is illustrated by a hunk of cheese (work) which had always been in the same spot but slowly starts vanishing. Eventually the cheese disappears. As the characters’ names imply, each mouse handles the disappearance of their cheese differently.

The second book was “Free Agent Nation: The Future of Working for Yourself” by Daniel H. Pink. This book manages to capture the true possibilities of self-employment better than anything else I’ve read on the topic. It sunk into my consciousness and inspired me.

If “Who Moved My Cheese” forced me to become aware of the changes around me (namely, a crumbling Internet economy), then “Free Agent Nation” was the catalyst that motivated me to start my own business. Well, that, and getting laid off.

It’s been nearly five years since I got my first freelance job, and I’ll never forget how amazed I was when I realized I was actually doing it. I was working for myself.

Full time has its attractions

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that sometimes I feel tempted to apply for a full-time job for many reasons, not the least of which are continuity, financial predictability and benefits. This temptation often comes up during transition periods. For example, when certain projects end and I’m casting about for more work, I tend to get antsy.

So perhaps it’s not too much of an admission of weakness to confess I responded to a couple of job postings last week - both for full-time positions.

It was exhilarating to apply for a “real” job and list my long work history and my desire to find a permanent professional “home.” It was even more exhilarating to hear back from both companies (in record time) that they were interested in interviewing me.

But something strange happened when I put down the phone after setting up the first interview. I felt very discouraged. It suddenly hit me that I would be giving up a lot by working for one company - my business, my clients and, most of all, the freedom and flexibility that were my inspiration to strike out on my own in the first place.

It can be difficult to achieve what you always wanted, only to realize that sometimes it isn’t quite what you expected. That’s what it feels like out here on my own sometimes. But that sinking feeling I got when I thought about representing someone else’s company instead of my own was enough to inspire me to cancel that interview.

Instead, I reached out to an existing client, letting them know about my availability. They were happy to award me more work and I was happy to regain that feeling I’d had when I first read “Free Agent Nation” six years ago.

So it looks like I’ll be celebrating more than the nation’s independence next week - I’ll be celebrating my own.

–

This article was orginally published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, June 30, 2007.

Here are 5 tips that lead to self-employment success

It always surprises me when I find myself in a position of giving business advice to people, although I know that may sound strange since I’ve been running my own home business for five years. Self-employment seemed like a natural career transition for me - something that happened almost seamlessly after I got laid off in 2002.

When I really think about it, I realize there are five things I did when I was just getting started that helped me become successfully self-employed.

Stay with other job

I didn’t quit my day job. This may sound counterintuitive, but one of the strongest motivators for working for myself was when I got a small taste of it while I was working full-time. When my older daughter was about 2 months old, I began working from home once a week for my existing employer. This taught me a lot about how to manage my time and gave me the confidence I needed to take the next step, which was to solicit freelance work directly.

Use What You Know

I leveraged what I already knew. I offered up my online marketing skills directly to companies (essentially my competition) that provided these same services to their clients. So, rather than approach clients directly, I contacted the agencies with an offer to help them manage their project “overflow.” This approach was surprisingly effective.

Take the financial hit early

I worked for very little money (at first). One of my earliest freelance jobs was for a company that paid me just $15/hour for about 10 hours per week of work. I took this job, which was a drastic pay cut from what I was used to, because I figured it was a pretty good deal for having flexible hours and being able to work from home. It also enabled me to continue working in my industry during a time when jobs were scarce. I also learned how to manage a direct client remotely (very remotely, as this client was based in Australia).

Network network network

This is going to sound clichéd, but I cannot underestimate how much networking helped me in the beginning. It continues to be my main source of new clients. I started out working primarily for agencies rather than with clients directly. This has enabled me to meet many people in my industry. No matter where these employees are within their company’s management hierarchy, they are excellent contacts for me because they inevitably move on to other jobs. I often hear from them again about new work opportunities.

Share your knowledge

I was, and continue to be, very loud about what I know. I launched a Web site for my business, started a blog with free Internet marketing advice, joined my industry’s top organization and wrote a training module for one of the few industry training courses available. I also spoke at an industry conference and plan to speak at future conferences, all under my own company name. This lends much credibility to the expertise I’m selling, and puts me in front of a lot of potential clients.

I remember how insecure I was when I started. I had to rethink everything I knew about work. I had to take far more responsibility for defining my professional identity than ever before. These days I feel lucky to be able to shape my career in a way that is both personally and professionally rewarding, but also provides limitless opportunities for growth. I hope that sharing what I’ve learned helps someone else get started down this same path.
–

This article was originally published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, June 16, 2007.

Address burnout before it happens

There are lots of things that can cause burnout when you’re self-employed, have two children under the age of seven and work from home. Sometimes the source of the burnout is easy to pinpoint — many long hours in the home office and tight deadlines back-to-back without reprieve. Sometimes it’s mainly household-related burnout. After all, laundry never stops and parenting doesn’t come with a great sick-time policy.
 

The toughest thing I’ve realized when confronting burnout is it’s not always easy to recognize when it happens. Somewhere over the past six years I convinced myself I could be Super Mom — that I could do it all. I wear the cape stoically, intent on getting a million things accomplished and convincing myself I can handle any 10 problems that cross my path on a given day. That is, until it all becomes too much.
 

This compulsion to deny the overwhelming truth — that sometimes I just can’t do it all, has been an ongoing struggle for me since I went back to work full-time when my six-year-old was only six weeks old. Perpetuating this denial is an ongoing issue for me and ignoring the truth about my own limitations is like a ticking time bomb which has the potential to undermine everything I’ve worked hard for.
 

So after nearly five years of working for myself, I’ve developed a few tricks for avoiding burnout.
 

Solutions for Combating Burnout
 

The first step in eliminating burnout is recognizing there’s a problem. Pushing forward at a ridiculous pace day after day can lead to complete meltdown — never a good thing on either the work or home front. I’ve learned to recognize the signs of an unrealistic schedule and have begun giving myself much-needed breaks in the form of long weekends, early work days and time to myself.
 

Getting a life outside of work and home is the next step. In the spirit of self-preservation, I’ve just joined a gym and even sprung for six weeks of personal training to get the whole thing started. I realize working out regularly will mean missing either work or “mom” time. I’ve decided to cut into my work schedule rather than miss out on time with my kids. I’m hoping the consistent time away from work combined with doing something so positive will help.
 

This year, I’m experimenting with a new solution for combating burnout, which I’ll be testing in mid-October. I’m taking an actual vacation. It was my six year- old’s idea. She has been begging to go to Disney World and it so happens my best friend lives in Florida so I thought it was an excellent destination for the whole family to check out. I know it’s rather cliché and far from exotic, but I can’t wait.
 

That leads me to my final tip — always have something to look forward to. If you find you’re not getting excited about work, family or anything in between, it’s probably time to plan something new.

–