Toddler gives practice for work demands | Oct 11th 2006
By Jacqueline Dooley
I have a horrible client. She has unreasonable expectations, doesn’t think twice about calling me in the middle of the night when she needs something and has a bad habit of yelling at me if I don’t immediately do what she wants.
If you don’t have kids, then you’re probably wondering why I put up with such abuse. If you do, then you’ve probably guessed I’m talking about my 2-year-old.
The terrible twos are nothing to sneeze at. Toddlers can be the sweetest little people in the world, but when they get frustrated — look out. It’s an understatement to say I’m grateful the tantrums, random obsessions and strange eating habits are all just a phase.
And no matter how many professional or personal goals I achieve, nothing can compare to the sense of accomplishment I feel when I help my daughter calm down from a tantrum and actually get through to her. In fact, learning how to help both my children with their problems and concerns has made me much better at dealing with people in general and certainly better at handling problems at work.
Not that I welcome stress. One of the reasons I became a consultant was because I don’t do well with pushy bosses who have unrealistic expectations, are demanding and/or thankless and can be demeaning or abusive.
Now that I work for myself, I’ve grown used to not having to deal with the internal office drama that is inevitably part of every company’s culture.
So I think it’s funny — when I’m not tearing my hair out — that I have to ask my daughter’s permission before I leave the room in order to avoid a tantrum. If I just get up and leave, she may throw herself on the floor and shriek in protest. She also needs ample warning before it’s time to stop any activity and start another — leave the house, return to the house, read a book, stop reading a book, etc.
Bad days at the office
There’s an unmistakable parallel to our interaction these days that reminds me of some of the most restrictive working environments I have been a part of.
Could it be that bad jobs, or bosses or working environments, are a lot like toddlers?
I’ve worked with people who threw tantrums when they didn’t get their way; took what they wanted without asking, yelled, screamed, kicked or threw stuff when they wanted to make a point; and needed coddling and extra attention to make them feel good.
Not surprisingly, the cause of my daughter’s tantrums is largely at the root of a bad
working environment or relationship — an inability to communicate. By learning to help my daughter communicate what she wants, and by taking a moment to communicate my own intentions to her, I’ve been able to reduce the tantrums somewhat and thus survive the terrible twos.
If I look at the situation from her perspective, it seems reasonable that she would want some warning before I make her stop what she’s doing. And in retrospect, it doesn’t seem all that unrealistic for a boss or client to expect the some kind of heads-up from me when I’m going to be late, or leave early, or possibly miss a deadline.
Taking the “toddler” approach to communicating with my clients has made my work day a lot less stressful. By speaking openly with my clients about my expectations, and clarifying theirs, I have been able to build solid relationships with my clients. Isn’t it funny what we can learn from a 2-year-old?
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This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, October 7, 2006.