Seperation Anxiety for Working Mom | Jul 17th 2006
by Jacqueline Dooley
It’s confession time. The truth is, I have a really hard time separating from my kids for more than a few hours a time. Perhaps it’s the constant proximity to them since I work from home, or the fact that I have not had to do a lot of travel for work over the past few years (thanks to the wonders of technology), but I have a really hard time leaving them without massive amounts of guilt and/or long moments of longing to see them again.
I look at strollers and sigh. I pick up little gifts for them while I’m out. I sneak glances at their picture when I’m in meetings (it’s my computer’s background image).
I have a problem, I admit it.
Last week I had to travel to New Jersey for an all-day training session with a new client. The drive is actually very nice, just an hour or so on the Thruway. My client is located just off the first exit on the Garden State in Montvale, NJ. A lovely town, an easy drive and the bonus of passing the outlet stores on my way home. What else could a working woman want?
Yet instead of embracing the prospect of having a day to myself to focus on work and be an adult, get out of the house (and out of sweat pants) and be with grown ups all day, I dreaded the trip in. I had major anxiety the morning I was going in – mainly because I wanted to accompany my girls to daycare. It was my 2-year-old’s second week and I really wanted to be there for her. She only goes on Thursdays and Fridays, so I swore to my bemused husband that I would go with them on Friday morning.
On that angst-riddled morning, my five-year-old gave me a quick hug and told me she’d see me later. In fact, I had to seek her out to get that hug because she was busy collecting her stuff for her day at preschool. She has grown used to my occasional all-day trips away from home and seems unphased by them.
So why does it still break my heart to leave her? I’m starting to think I have the I-want-it-all syndrome, but I’ll get to that in a moment.
Enter the two-year-old. She’s quite independent, but she’s also quite attached to me. I’ve been known to sneak up to my office more than once while my husband distracts her during the day just so I didn’t have to hear “no mommy!” when I say good bye.
Even though she’s doing great with daycare twice a week, and she’s a real people person, loves new situations and is totally safe and happy with my husband while I’m away, I still have a very difficult time facing the day when I know won’t see her all day long.
I’ve come to realize at times like this that it’s not my kids who have separation anxiety to the extreme, it’s me. I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t look forward to an entire day absent of them. I’ve grown used to their constant presence. It’s my safety net, having them within arm’s reach.
This is where wanting it all comes into play. The thing is, I want a successful business and that requires forty-plus hours of commitment per week. I also don’t want to miss anything. Not one tear. Not one triumph. For the most part, I can arrange to be nearby at all times, but sometimes that’s not possible. I guess that’s not such a bad thing – we all outgrow separation anxiety at some point, don’t we?
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This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, July 15th, 2006.