Self-Employment’s Rough Road | Feb 12th 2007
By Jacqueline Dooley
Last week I got a rare glimpse of myself, as I was two years ago, from the perspective of an old friend. I last saw my friend in mid-2005 when she stayed with me for a few days and really got to “look under the hood” of my life. I didn’t hear from her again until this past weekend.
What she finally told me about that visit made me realize how difficult it was to start up a home business, and how much I have learned over the past couple of years.
I’d already been self-employed for over two years in the summer of 2005, but I hadn’t put any effort into my business for the last few months of 2003 and throughout all of 2004. There was a good reason for this - I was pregnant in late 2003/early 2004 and I learned that my baby would be born with a severe facial birth defect – cleft lip and palate.
During the entire first year of my daughter’s life, I was devoted to her care. I worked part-time so I could spend one day a week, each week, for six months taking my baby to New York University’s Institute of Reconstructive Plastic Surgery to have her face molded and shaped in preparation for her first surgery.
I spent the next six months preparing her for, and then helping her recover from, the two major surgeries she had to repair her lip, gums, nose and palate.
It wasn’t until the end of April 2005, when she was fully recovered from extensive reconstruction of her palate, that I sat down with my husband and we made the collective decision that I needed to start working full-time. We were completely broke from medical bills and my own lack of work.
So the summer of 2005 (when my friend visited) found me highly irritable and emotional for a number of reasons. I can’t underestimate the amount of stress I was under back then. I missed my kids because I was working so much, but I had no time for myself because the kids, the house, and my husband all needed me.
Visible Strain
I was sleep-deprived and angry all the time, I felt guilty when I wasn’t with my girls, but guilty when I wasn’t working. I lashed out at everyone, and felt guilty for that too.
I can only imagine the impression I must’ve made on my friend. It’s no wonder she got a little worried about how much I was taking on, and how I seemed to yell at my kids a little too much.
I can’t believe I’d forgotten how hard that summer was.
The anniversary of my daughter’s second surgery and her third birthday both fall in April. April also marks two full years from the moment I made the decision to put everything I could into my business and try to make a better life for myself and my family.
I didn’t realize how much of myself I put into my business two years ago to create something that I’ve become proud of, and has enabled me to finally realize some of my life long dreams. I’d forgotten how hard it can be, when you’re at the end of one hard journey and at the beginning of another. So, while it hurts to see myself as I was, albeit through someone else’s eyes, I’m grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to appreciate just how far I’ve come.
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This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on February 10, 2007 under the title, “Friend’s visit recalls rough road.”