About six years ago, I read two books that changed my view of work. One was called “Who Moved My Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and Your Life” by Spencer Johnson and Kenneth Blanchard.
The book is written in the form of a fable about four Mice - Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw. The story demonstrates how each mouse handles change. Change is illustrated by a hunk of cheese (work) which had always been in the same spot but slowly starts vanishing. Eventually the cheese disappears. As the characters’ names imply, each mouse handles the disappearance of their cheese differently.
The second book was “Free Agent Nation: The Future of Working for Yourself” by Daniel H. Pink. This book manages to capture the true possibilities of self-employment better than anything else I’ve read on the topic. It sunk into my consciousness and inspired me.
If “Who Moved My Cheese” forced me to become aware of the changes around me (namely, a crumbling Internet economy), then “Free Agent Nation” was the catalyst that motivated me to start my own business. Well, that, and getting laid off.
It’s been nearly five years since I got my first freelance job, and I’ll never forget how amazed I was when I realized I was actually doing it. I was working for myself.
Full time has its attractions
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that sometimes I feel tempted to apply for a full-time job for many reasons, not the least of which are continuity, financial predictability and benefits. This temptation often comes up during transition periods. For example, when certain projects end and I’m casting about for more work, I tend to get antsy.
So perhaps it’s not too much of an admission of weakness to confess I responded to a couple of job postings last week - both for full-time positions.
It was exhilarating to apply for a “real” job and list my long work history and my desire to find a permanent professional “home.” It was even more exhilarating to hear back from both companies (in record time) that they were interested in interviewing me.
But something strange happened when I put down the phone after setting up the first interview. I felt very discouraged. It suddenly hit me that I would be giving up a lot by working for one company - my business, my clients and, most of all, the freedom and flexibility that were my inspiration to strike out on my own in the first place.
It can be difficult to achieve what you always wanted, only to realize that sometimes it isn’t quite what you expected. That’s what it feels like out here on my own sometimes. But that sinking feeling I got when I thought about representing someone else’s company instead of my own was enough to inspire me to cancel that interview.
Instead, I reached out to an existing client, letting them know about my availability. They were happy to award me more work and I was happy to regain that feeling I’d had when I first read “Free Agent Nation” six years ago.
So it looks like I’ll be celebrating more than the nation’s independence next week - I’ll be celebrating my own.
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This article was orginally published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, June 30, 2007.
It always surprises me when I find myself in a position of giving business advice to people, although I know that may sound strange since I’ve been running my own home business for five years. Self-employment seemed like a natural career transition for me - something that happened almost seamlessly after I got laid off in 2002.
When I really think about it, I realize there are five things I did when I was just getting started that helped me become successfully self-employed.
Stay with other job
I didn’t quit my day job. This may sound counterintuitive, but one of the strongest motivators for working for myself was when I got a small taste of it while I was working full-time. When my older daughter was about 2 months old, I began working from home once a week for my existing employer. This taught me a lot about how to manage my time and gave me the confidence I needed to take the next step, which was to solicit freelance work directly.
Use What You Know
I leveraged what I already knew. I offered up my online marketing skills directly to companies (essentially my competition) that provided these same services to their clients. So, rather than approach clients directly, I contacted the agencies with an offer to help them manage their project “overflow.” This approach was surprisingly effective.
Take the financial hit early
I worked for very little money (at first). One of my earliest freelance jobs was for a company that paid me just $15/hour for about 10 hours per week of work. I took this job, which was a drastic pay cut from what I was used to, because I figured it was a pretty good deal for having flexible hours and being able to work from home. It also enabled me to continue working in my industry during a time when jobs were scarce. I also learned how to manage a direct client remotely (very remotely, as this client was based in Australia).
Network network network
This is going to sound clichéd, but I cannot underestimate how much networking helped me in the beginning. It continues to be my main source of new clients. I started out working primarily for agencies rather than with clients directly. This has enabled me to meet many people in my industry. No matter where these employees are within their company’s management hierarchy, they are excellent contacts for me because they inevitably move on to other jobs. I often hear from them again about new work opportunities.
Share your knowledge
I was, and continue to be, very loud about what I know. I launched a Web site for my business, started a blog with free Internet marketing advice, joined my industry’s top organization and wrote a training module for one of the few industry training courses available. I also spoke at an industry conference and plan to speak at future conferences, all under my own company name. This lends much credibility to the expertise I’m selling, and puts me in front of a lot of potential clients.
I remember how insecure I was when I started. I had to rethink everything I knew about work. I had to take far more responsibility for defining my professional identity than ever before. These days I feel lucky to be able to shape my career in a way that is both personally and professionally rewarding, but also provides limitless opportunities for growth. I hope that sharing what I’ve learned helps someone else get started down this same path.
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This article was originally published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, June 16, 2007.
There are lots of things that can cause burnout when you’re self-employed, have two children under the age of seven and work from home. Sometimes the source of the burnout is easy to pinpoint — many long hours in the home office and tight deadlines back-to-back without reprieve. Sometimes it’s mainly household-related burnout. After all, laundry never stops and parenting doesn’t come with a great sick-time policy.
The toughest thing I’ve realized when confronting burnout is it’s not always easy to recognize when it happens. Somewhere over the past six years I convinced myself I could be Super Mom — that I could do it all. I wear the cape stoically, intent on getting a million things accomplished and convincing myself I can handle any 10 problems that cross my path on a given day. That is, until it all becomes too much.
This compulsion to deny the overwhelming truth — that sometimes I just can’t do it all, has been an ongoing struggle for me since I went back to work full-time when my six-year-old was only six weeks old. Perpetuating this denial is an ongoing issue for me and ignoring the truth about my own limitations is like a ticking time bomb which has the potential to undermine everything I’ve worked hard for.
So after nearly five years of working for myself, I’ve developed a few tricks for avoiding burnout.
Solutions for Combating Burnout
The first step in eliminating burnout is recognizing there’s a problem. Pushing forward at a ridiculous pace day after day can lead to complete meltdown — never a good thing on either the work or home front. I’ve learned to recognize the signs of an unrealistic schedule and have begun giving myself much-needed breaks in the form of long weekends, early work days and time to myself.
Getting a life outside of work and home is the next step. In the spirit of self-preservation, I’ve just joined a gym and even sprung for six weeks of personal training to get the whole thing started. I realize working out regularly will mean missing either work or “mom” time. I’ve decided to cut into my work schedule rather than miss out on time with my kids. I’m hoping the consistent time away from work combined with doing something so positive will help.
This year, I’m experimenting with a new solution for combating burnout, which I’ll be testing in mid-October. I’m taking an actual vacation. It was my six year- old’s idea. She has been begging to go to Disney World and it so happens my best friend lives in Florida so I thought it was an excellent destination for the whole family to check out. I know it’s rather cliché and far from exotic, but I can’t wait.
That leads me to my final tip — always have something to look forward to. If you find you’re not getting excited about work, family or anything in between, it’s probably time to plan something new.
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This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, June 9th, 2007 with the title, “Make use of tips to keep burnout in check.”
This is my first post on the The Self-Employed Mom blog which is not a republication of one of my columns. I have been scouring the Internet for other working mom blogs (or just mom blogs, or just working blogs) and well, there are lots.
It’s gratifying to know that I’m not alone, even though it sure as hell feels like it when you’re in the thick of things trying to get the kids ready for school in the morning while your mind’s on the 10 am conference call and/or other impending deadlines that are a fact of working life.
So I wanted to take the time to intoduce my growing list of working mom blog links (or working/mom) blog links. Not everyone has made it to my blog roll because, well, I’m not reading the blogs regularly yet so don’t want to fully endorse them. Still, from what I’ve read, they are worthwhile and I’m happy to have a place for them on The Self Employed Mom site. Get some coffee and spend some time reading these women’s blogs - it’s a great way to start the day.
By Jacqueline Dooley
“Let [mothers] solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means Whereby the great human family can live in peace”
- Julia Ward Howe
For me, Mother’s Day isn’t just about getting to do what I want, and being remembered and honored (translation: showered with gifts) in the process. It’s also about giving my kids what they want, and enjoying them fully without the distraction of work.
I almost wish Mother’s Day did not fall on a Sunday because, as a working mom, the best Mother’s Day gift of all is playing hooky for the day. What could be more deliciously rebellious than taking Tuesday off to drive to the Jersey shore and collect shells with your kids when you’re supposed to be on a conference call?
So it’s not too terribly difficult to pinpoint exactly what I want for Mother’s Day. In fact, I’ve already got the day planned out. I’m going to New Jersey with my family to visit my mother. There’s nothing better than having three generations of mothers and daughters together on Mother’s Day. I can live without the flowers, candy and trinkets. My number one desire is to have that time together.
Still, I’ve often wondered how it all started. Why is Mother’s Day on a Sunday and not in the middle of the week when we could surely use the break? Not surprisingly, the day began with a very hard-working mother and one truly dedicated daughter.
Congress, on May 8, 1914, designated the second Sunday in May each year as Mother’s Day, after Anna Jarvis began lobbying for the day to be set aside, according to a press release from the U.S. Census Bureau. She had organized observances in Grafton, W.Va., and Philadelphia on May 10, 1908, a year after her mother’s death, and the celebration began to spread.
Meetings in beginning
In fact, the very first Mother’s Day celebrations in America were not celebrations at all. They were meetings organized by Julia Ward Howe, author of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” “who proposed renaming July 4 as Mother’s Day and a day dedicated to peace,” according to a May 8, 2004, presidential proclamation.
Howe, a poet and writer, was a working mother during a time when women’s involvement in anything but family and the home was frowned upon. She played an active role in the women’s suffrage movement and often spoke at the pulpit of her own Unitarian church. Howe had witnessed firsthand the carnage of Civil War and how it deeply affected not only soldiers, but widows and orphans on both sides of the war.
So the very first Mother’s Day in this country was organized not by a child in honor of their own mother (that comes next), but rather, by a working mother as a way to honor peace in a time of great national upheaval and war.
It’s difficult not to feel humble about what first inspired Mother’s Day in America. So even though I’m glad to honor my own mother this weekend, and be honored myself, this year I will also remember to honor the spirit of peace, which inspired the first Mother’s Day meetings so many years ago.
I also can’t help but feel grateful to both Howe and Jarvis for taking up their causes and working hard to put mothers into the forefront of national consciousness. That surely has helped shape the opportunities afforded to women (mothers or otherwise) over the past 100 years.
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Raising children and working full-time is tough. Working from home hasn’t been the complete resolution I thought it would be, but it has helped, particularly when I need to temporarily pull away from my desk to be there for my kids’ imminent needs.
That can mean things like rushing off to emergency doctor appointments, being available to hold them on my lap indefinitely when they are sick, or ferrying them around to see their friends at 4 o’clock in the afternoon.
Because I work from home, I am able to do this all without much conflict, but I know that if I worked full-time in an office, leaving my desk for my family would either be impossible or, at the very least, cause resentment.
And this lack of empathy for parents and our needs (which are really our children’s needs) extends far outside the work place. It seems like every day I read another alarming story about how someone is denied public transportation because of a child’s tantrum or removed from a public place because they were breastfeeding.
Young children have tantrums. Babies need to eat. Families with babies and children need to get from point A to point B just like everybody else. Sometimes children have trouble speaking in hushed tones or holding back tears so, yes, you’re going to hear them cry.
Has our national patience run so thin that we can’t allow some poor family get to where they need to go? What’s next? Will we see “No Children Allowed” signs in every bus station and airport? And those (hopefully few) souls who love to point out that we “chose” to have children, and therefore brought all this negativity on ourselves, may want to discuss the decision-making process with their own parents.
As a society, we need to remember that children are not just miniature adults. Children are loud. They don’t like being stuffed into an airplane for 7 hours, but more importantly, they don’t understand the social responsibility of stifling their discomfort. But our children have the right to be in this world, no matter how loud or inconvenient they may be.
Would it be so difficult for us as a society to provide havens for parents to stop, take a break, and care for our children with some relative privacy? Small allowances, such as green areas or playgrounds at airports would give our kids a chance to run themselves right into a nice long nap.
Are we to be forever relegated to our homes, or “family-friendly” horror shows like Chuckie Cheese and McDonald’s, until the children can behave more like adults?
For that matter, why can’t doctors and dentists have evening and weekend hours? When you need to take a school-age child to the doctor at 10 am, it means you miss the morning of work, and they miss nearly an entire day of school.
I doubt we’ll start seeing more tolerance or accessibility for working parents until we embrace childhood in our society, with all of its imperfections, unplanned moments, and unrestricted enthusiasm.
For me the choice was clear – my daughters’ childhood comes first. They’ll need to retain an innate sense of joy when they remember their early years so they have the strength and motivation to implement child-friendly policies when they become President. Let’s hope it doesn’t take that long.
By Jacqueline Dooley
Quitting work to stay home with your baby or older child is a hard decision - one that never entered my mind when I got pregnant the first time. I took six weeks off after the birth of my oldest daughter, Ana (now 6) and went right back into the fray of a full-time job even though it broke my heart.
Six whole weeks seemed like a really long time to be off from work. But I wasn’t a mother yet, even though I was about to become one, and I didn’t have the foresight to understand how much my baby would interfere with my feelings about everything, especially my job.
But those first six weeks flew by and it was time to go back to work way before I was mentally ready. But, I still got up that first morning, packed my breast pump and headed to the office.
I worked full time for the first year and a half of Ana’s life, but my enthusiasm for my job was stifled, overshadowed by my love for my baby. I used to wonder if men felt the same heart-wrenching feeling of loss every day when they drove away from their babies.
It was a relief when I got laid off in October 2002, when Ana was about 16 months. For the first time I got to spend entire days with my daughter that included play dates, library story times and trips to the park.
Staying at home full-time was great at first, but it presented challenges that I didn’t expect. I actually missed work, and I longed to have some time to myself. I was also very lonely and missed chatting with my friends from work - something I’d taken for granted when I saw them every day.
Isolating experience
I learned how isolating it is to be home with a young child all day long. I remember taking walks with her and trying to structure the day so neither of us would get bored, which wasn’t always easy, particularly in the winter. I lived for nap times when I could get a break. I never really stopped looking for work during this time because we couldn’t afford it, not really, but unemployment checks enabled me to take my time.
When I started working for myself a few hours a week it was the best of both worlds for me. But as my business grew, my hours also grew and I found I was more stressed out than ever trying to keep up all the household responsibilities while simultaneously focusing on my business.
My father used to tell me, “be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.”
Since I’ve had my kids, I often think of his words. I was miserable when I worked full-time in an office, and not as blissfully happy as I thought I would be when I was home full-time. Working full-time from home is also not my ideal scenario, although it’s the one I’m living now.
I don’t resent my business. On the contrary, I’m very grateful for it, but that doesn’t mean I’m completely sold on the idea I can’t one day work less hours and spend more time doing mom things. There can be time for both if I create time, but I’ve been a mom and business owner long enough to know that’s easier said than done.
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This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, April 5th, 2007.
By Jacqueline Dooley
As a self-employed person I am breaking lots of rules by working outside of the normal 9-5 office environment. I can think of a few key things right off the bat that feel deliciously rebellious right now. These include working in jeans, working from home, making personal phone calls and getting started later than 9 a.m.
The flip side of this is I’m completely on my own and require a large amount of self-discipline and direction, which is often challenging. There can also be complications outside the office that creep up unexpectedly and it’s up to me to figure out how to overcome them. For example, yesterday I was feverishly working on two deadlines when I lost my Internet connection at about 1:30 pm.
I had only started working at noon because I’d taken my kids to the dentist, then had to drop them both off at school, which required some sophisticated navigation due to all the flooding-related detours.
Luckily my sister-in-law lives in New Paltz and her house is always empty during the day. They rarely lose power or Internet. So I drove the 10 minutes to get there and was able to complete my work (for the most part). In truth, I surprised myself by my own productivity. Even though I wasn’t working from a “traditional” office, I was able to concentrate without the temptation of multiple distractions.
Office has distractions
I called my sister-in-law to thank her for letting me work at her house and she agreed she gets a lot more accomplished when she works from home. There are lots of distractions at her office so it’s difficult to focus. She’s even going to set up an office in her basement so she can work from home occasionally. I wonder if she will find once the newness of working from home wears off, it can still be difficult to avoid distractions.
To that end, I wonder if taking yourself out of whatever work environment you’re used to can actually help with productivity. I used to think working from home 100 percent of the time was the best way for me to get my work done, but now that I’m living that dream, I’m beginning to yearn for a place to go outside of my house - at least once in a while.
I’ve lived the other extreme for many years and I know working 100 percent outside my home is also not what I want. If I do that, I’ll begin to resent the commute, the time away from my kids and the drudgery of being in the same cubicle day after day.
It all comes down to the fact that rules are made to be broken. Since (for me) a key rule of self-employment is I get to work from home, it stands to reason breaking that rule and going to work somewhere (anywhere) else can actually help me stay focused and break me out of a rut. This was certainly the case yesterday when I found myself working at someone else’s quiet house, on a nice country road where my own home-based distractions and chores couldn’t steal my focus away from work.
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This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, April 21st, 2007.
By Jacqueline Dooley
I often wish I could take time off more spontaneously in response to events that make it difficult to put in a full week’s worth of work. For example, both my girls were home this week because of spring break. My older daughter is in kindergarten and this is a pretty big schedule shift for her.
My youngest daughter goes to a childcare program at BOCES, which is also closed for spring break. She only goes a few days a week, so staying home all week is really no big deal for her. She’s used to being home with her father while I work upstairs.
The big challenge is having both girls home together all week. The little one is used to having some time to herself and the older one actually misses school. This is the first time she’s been really, truly bored.
They are both getting in each other’s hair while I work upstairs listening to it all and wishing I could do something with them. But there are some weeks I just can’t break away. I’m going to be away all next week at a conference, plus the first week of the month is my busiest time.
I used to think it would be easy to take time off since I work for myself, but it’s often the opposite that’s true.
My husband and I have had many conversations about what we should do when our kids get older in terms of extracurricular activities. We agreed to keep each girl in one extracurricular activity of their choosing and keep their schedules fairly open during vacations and weekends.
When I came to the above conclusion, my older daughter was about three. At that point in time, she was quite content with playing with stuffed animals and contemplating her navel.
Now she doesn’t miss an opportunity to tell me she’s bored and ask me to do something with her. I love that she wants to spend time with me, but I hate the guilt. I’m also realizing that what may be right for one stage of a child’s life isn’t necessarily going to be what’s right for another.
That’s how I found myself scheduling her week, much the way I schedule my own week. A play date on Tuesday, gymnastics camp on Wednesday and Thursday (with her little sister along for the latter), a sleepover at grandma’s from Thursday to Friday and I’m home free (or rather, work free) by Saturday.
Not like the past
When did this happen? Is this a working mom thing or a typical parenting thing? I remember playing outside during school breaks, or coloring or reading. Well, OK, she can’t read yet so I’ll give her that.
This short break is making me realize that I’ll need to plan better for things like summer vacations and holidays. I don’t want to keep missing them. In retrospect, I wish I would’ve scheduled a few days off this week even though I’ll be away next week so I could spend time coloring, playing outside and reading with both my girls.
To this end, I have hired three subcontractors over the past couple of weeks to help me get my work done. I think this is a good way to build a safety net so my business can stand to be without me for a few days (and vice versa). Hopefully, this will ensure that I can enjoy more than a few lazy days of summer with my girls, instead of working through all the fun stuff.
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This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, April 7, 2007.
by Jacqueline Dooley
When I first started freelancing in 2002, the ability to work remotely from my home and on my own terms was extremely exciting.
When you’re starting out with a new business, the excitement of endless opportunity can make each day feel like the first day of summer vacation. It was the first time in my life that I couldn’t wait to get up each day and go to work.
But things don’t stay new forever and (as the saying goes), the honeymoon period only lasts so long before any new beginning can begin to lose its sparkle.
I think that’s what’s happening with me lately. My home business is starting to feel less like I’m striking out on a new frontier and more like an actual job.
Even though it’s mine, and even though I have way more freedom and I’m making way more money than I ever have before, I’m beginning to show signs of burnout and worse - boredom.
I realize it’s not uncommon for people to question their jobs and their careers every so often. Many of my friends and colleagues are doing just that - whether it’s scoping the field for a new and better job or completing their master’s degree, everyone I know is moving in a new direction.
I guess we all love that shiny feeling of endless possibility that comes at the beginning of a new journey.
I’m chalking up my own feelings of boredom and burnout to a long, hard winter of much work and little play. The first day of spring, which came and went this week, has probably fueled my own restlessness.
Before last year, I never really thought much about breathing new life into my business and regaining the momentum and excitement I had for it when I started out. My business was in a constant state of flux as I tried to find my niche, obtain new clients and learn how to manage it all. I also worked part time for the first two years.
Now that I’ve exceeded two years of full-time self-employment, I’ve begun feeling the standard full-time job burnout that I remember from the old days when I was more traditionally employed. However, unlike 2002, when it was nearly impossible to find a full-time position in my field of expertise, (online marketing), the industry is booming.
Good to have choices
That provides me with a lot of different options for shaping my career. On the one hand, I can try to align myself as a full-time contractor with one company or even seek a full-time job as an employee. On the other hand, since I’m not ready to give up the good life, I can put some effort into my professional growth by going to industry events and conferences, taking certification programs that are becoming more readily available as the online marketing industry matures and focusing on developing and refining my service offerings.
In fact, I’m taking my own advice as early as next month, when I’ll be speaking at one of my industry’s most well-known conferences, Search Engine Strategies in New York City.
As a speaker, I not only get to attend the conference for free, I have a unique opportunity to meet some of the top minds in my industry. It has motivated me to do everything from updating my certifications and Web site content to ordering new business cards. I can feel the boredom fading away already.
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This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, March 24th, 2007.
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