Cast your work/family doubts away | Aug 27th 2007
by Jacqueline Dooley
A by-product of being a working parent is self-doubt. When I’m really busy with work, I worry about how my absence is affecting my kids, if it’s worth it to be away from them so much and what our lives would be like if I didn’t work at all (I could devote an entire column to that last scenario.)
On the flip side, when the pendulum swings more toward parenting, and I seem to be spending large chunks of time in the backyard rather than in front of my computer, I worry about my work ethic, my ability to get things done and my commitment to my business.
I think achieving a nice balance between the two is the perfect solution. It’s also a superhuman goal akin to climbing Mount Everest or fitting into my prom dress again. Sure, some women do it, but you can cross me off that list.
When I talk (complain) to my mother about my hectic schedule, she sighs and says, “I think the women’s movement sold you a bad bill of goods.” To which I typically reply, “So it’s your fault!”
When the stress of the moment clears, I have to admit I don’t blame the women’s movement that I’m a working mother. On the contrary, I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had in life. I’m continually amazed that running a business is an option for me and that - through all the doubt, stress and uncertainty - my family and I are managing to make it work.
With choices, decisions
What really bothers me is working mothers, myself included, can’t seem to break out of the mindset that now we can work full time and have a family we should do both things equally well at all times. That brings me back to the self-doubt issue again.
Combining work and parenting causes much doubt for most of us working moms. We doubt our abilities in the work force, worry about being judged by peers as less invested in our jobs and often question whether it’s all worth it because of the constant strife, stress and anxiety at home.
Then when we’re home, we doubt our abilities as parents. Are we taking out our work frustrations on our children? Does being great at our jobs and loving what we do mean we lack parenting skills?
You know what? I think it’s OK to put motherhood before work sometimes and vice versa. For me, there’s no real solution to the issue of self-doubt, so what I try to remember is I’m only making this stuff up as I go along. We all are.
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This article was originally published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, August 25, 2007.