Baby’s tug makes work impossible | Mar 19th 2006
In response to my previous column, a concerned reader wrote in questioning my ability to work full time from home and take care of my children. I’d like to thank that reader for bringing the issue up. First of all, I want to make it clear it is utterly impossible to work from home and watch two small children.
That’s why my husband is a full-time, stay-at-home dad. Thank goodness for his patience and support, because without either I would not be successfully self-employed. It is a common assumption that women who work at home can simultaneously care for their children. The fantasy goes something like this:
We’ll set up our office with a play area next to the desk. Our child will play quietly beside us as we work. We’ll take periodic breaks with the child and get a block of work done during naptime. Naptime will occur at roughly 1 p.m. each day (allowing us time for lunch).
I got the chance to try out my fantasy when my older daughter was about 7 months old and I requested permission to work from home one day a week. My husband and I arranged our schedules so he was home with the baby four days a week, but on that one day when I worked from home, he’d go to work.
Enter reality.
Who could say no?
I mean, what was I thinking? What child plays quietly next to her mother for any length of time? It’s feed me! Pick me up! Hold me! Play with me! And what mother can resist the urge to roll around on the floor with their 7-month-old? Even if I wanted to work, there was no way she was going to let me.
Babies learn quickly. It didn’t take long for her to figure out that when I sat down in front of the computer, I wasn’t paying attention to her. It got to the point where I couldn’t even go into my office or she’d start to wail.
In the end, I’d had to explain to my boss that I still wanted to work from home, but that I may not get more than a couple of hours work done (or none at all). I was honest. I wanted that day with my daughter, but I couldn’t be expected to sit and work for eight hours. I negotiated a bit of flex time and promised to make up any lost hours over the weekend or during the days I was in the office.
This experience was at the top of my mind when I decided to start my own consulting business. I knew from the start I’d need the full support of my husband. Working from home was a mutual decision for us because it meant my husband would have to cut back his hours so he could stay home and watch our daughter. That meant giving up some security and possibly jeopardizing our health insurance. It was a big commitment for both of us and quite a large leap of faith.
My heart used to ache when I left for work with the knowledge that I would not see my daughter for at least eight hours. So I really feel lucky that I can visit the girls throughout the day. I also feel blessed that my husband is with them when I can’t be.
But the reality for me is that I still spend 40 hours a week away from my babies. And regardless of my proximity to them, my heart still aches when I say goodbye, walk upstairs and close my office door.
–
Baby’s tug makes work impossible was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, March 18, 2006.