by Jacqueline Dooley
A by-product of being a working parent is self-doubt. When I’m really busy with work, I worry about how my absence is affecting my kids, if it’s worth it to be away from them so much and what our lives would be like if I didn’t work at all (I could devote an entire column to that last scenario.)
On the flip side, when the pendulum swings more toward parenting, and I seem to be spending large chunks of time in the backyard rather than in front of my computer, I worry about my work ethic, my ability to get things done and my commitment to my business.
I think achieving a nice balance between the two is the perfect solution. It’s also a superhuman goal akin to climbing Mount Everest or fitting into my prom dress again. Sure, some women do it, but you can cross me off that list.
When I talk (complain) to my mother about my hectic schedule, she sighs and says, “I think the women’s movement sold you a bad bill of goods.” To which I typically reply, “So it’s your fault!”
When the stress of the moment clears, I have to admit I don’t blame the women’s movement that I’m a working mother. On the contrary, I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had in life. I’m continually amazed that running a business is an option for me and that - through all the doubt, stress and uncertainty - my family and I are managing to make it work.
With choices, decisions
What really bothers me is working mothers, myself included, can’t seem to break out of the mindset that now we can work full time and have a family we should do both things equally well at all times. That brings me back to the self-doubt issue again.
Combining work and parenting causes much doubt for most of us working moms. We doubt our abilities in the work force, worry about being judged by peers as less invested in our jobs and often question whether it’s all worth it because of the constant strife, stress and anxiety at home.
Then when we’re home, we doubt our abilities as parents. Are we taking out our work frustrations on our children? Does being great at our jobs and loving what we do mean we lack parenting skills?
You know what? I think it’s OK to put motherhood before work sometimes and vice versa. For me, there’s no real solution to the issue of self-doubt, so what I try to remember is I’m only making this stuff up as I go along. We all are.
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This article was originally published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, August 25, 2007.
Motivation plays a critical role in keeping my business running. It’s what helps me stay focused and avoid temptation. It gets me out of bed at a decent hour and prevents me from giving in to the temptation to work in my pajamas five days a week.
Inspiration is another story. Without inspiration, my business can’t grow and change. I’ve struggled with both inspiration and motivation for the entire summer and I’ve finally realized that it’s the former that’s the reason I’m having trouble with the latter.
It can be difficult to find inspiration when you work on your own. To some extent isolation has become typical of the summer months, when people are on vacation and work slows down. Add to this that the kids are home and my focus is suddenly more on family than on work, and it’s understandable that staying motivated is more difficult.
Since I don’t have the luxury of daily client and colleague interaction to stay focused (and inspired), I’m learning to look in new and unexpected places for much-needed doses of inspiration. Here are a few things that have helped me over the last couple of months.
I’ve relocated my office to the library. It’s very easy for me to get all the information I need from newsletters, blogs and web sites, but sitting in front of my computer during a bright summer day and listening to my kids play one floor below me is the perfect way to destroy my motivation.
Working at the local library which has free wireless and affords a gorgeous view of the Hudson River has been a great way to get inspired. There’s something about being surrounded by books, magazines and rows of expectant computer screens that puts a spring in my step.
Lunch dates, play dates and getting together with friends has helped fill my need for social interaction. When work was just a part-time endeavor and taking care of my daughter was the focus of my life, I adjusted to the isolation of being home by setting up play dates, inviting friends over for dinner and going out for drinks or coffee whenever I could. I completely stopped doing these things when my business turned into a full-time gig. This summer I’m trying to turn that trend around because I’m learning that talking to my friends about everything from work to potty training has a positive effect on me and thus, my business.
New business development and cruising the job boards is perhaps, not unsurprisingly, very inspiring. I find that looking around to see who is hiring and what positions are in demand gives me great business ideas. Making new connections, keeping my resume up to date, and pursuing new business leads is always fun and exciting. Plus, I admit, I love the chase!
