by Jacqueline Dooley
When I first started freelancing in 2002, the ability to work remotely from my home and on my own terms was extremely exciting.
When you’re starting out with a new business, the excitement of endless opportunity can make each day feel like the first day of summer vacation. It was the first time in my life that I couldn’t wait to get up each day and go to work.
But things don’t stay new forever and (as the saying goes), the honeymoon period only lasts so long before any new beginning can begin to lose its sparkle.
I think that’s what’s happening with me lately. My home business is starting to feel less like I’m striking out on a new frontier and more like an actual job.
Even though it’s mine, and even though I have way more freedom and I’m making way more money than I ever have before, I’m beginning to show signs of burnout and worse - boredom.
I realize it’s not uncommon for people to question their jobs and their careers every so often. Many of my friends and colleagues are doing just that - whether it’s scoping the field for a new and better job or completing their master’s degree, everyone I know is moving in a new direction.
I guess we all love that shiny feeling of endless possibility that comes at the beginning of a new journey.
I’m chalking up my own feelings of boredom and burnout to a long, hard winter of much work and little play. The first day of spring, which came and went this week, has probably fueled my own restlessness.
Before last year, I never really thought much about breathing new life into my business and regaining the momentum and excitement I had for it when I started out. My business was in a constant state of flux as I tried to find my niche, obtain new clients and learn how to manage it all. I also worked part time for the first two years.
Now that I’ve exceeded two years of full-time self-employment, I’ve begun feeling the standard full-time job burnout that I remember from the old days when I was more traditionally employed. However, unlike 2002, when it was nearly impossible to find a full-time position in my field of expertise, (online marketing), the industry is booming.
Good to have choices
That provides me with a lot of different options for shaping my career. On the one hand, I can try to align myself as a full-time contractor with one company or even seek a full-time job as an employee. On the other hand, since I’m not ready to give up the good life, I can put some effort into my professional growth by going to industry events and conferences, taking certification programs that are becoming more readily available as the online marketing industry matures and focusing on developing and refining my service offerings.
In fact, I’m taking my own advice as early as next month, when I’ll be speaking at one of my industry’s most well-known conferences, Search Engine Strategies in New York City.
As a speaker, I not only get to attend the conference for free, I have a unique opportunity to meet some of the top minds in my industry. It has motivated me to do everything from updating my certifications and Web site content to ordering new business cards. I can feel the boredom fading away already.
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This article was published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, March 24th, 2007.
by Jacqueline Dooley
Sometimes I love my work. It provides blissful escape to the drudgery of household chores and Disney movies. It is tied to my self worth and is a source of pride. Rarely, my work even seems easy, but those moments are few and far between.
More often than not my business feels like a very needy and high-maintenance third child. It’s difficult and demanding - a source of worry and stress. When work becomes as relentless as parenthood, I’m in trouble.
When that happens, I can get lost in the minutia of day-to-day tasks that force me to work too much, sleep too little and juggle a million things that seem on the brink of crashing down on my head at any moment.
At first, I begin to obsess over little things such as unfolded laundry, messy beds, unreturned phone calls and stacks of bills that need attention. But those little things become monumental - transforming into a nonspecific and ever-present feeling of dread that I’ve forgotten something terribly important, or I’ve made a crucial mistake.
I handle this feeling by multi-tasking, but that only works for so long. I know I’m fighting a losing battle when I find myself helping my 5-year-old with her homework while chatting with a client on the phone and simultaneously checking my e-mail.
It must be what a hamster feels like when it’s running in its little wheel busily moving forward and getting nowhere. But perhaps I’m looking at this from the wrong perspective.
Maybe the hamster is completely content with the experience of running in one place and never getting anywhere. Maybe I can learn from that hamster and just enjoy completing tasks as they come up without ever expecting that I can finish everything. Maybe I should give myself a break.
Ups and downs
I realize these phases of frenzied activity are pretty typical for working parents and that my life is really a combination of extremely busy weeks followed by slower days or - dare I hope - even weeks of down time. Still, that doesn’t make me stop worrying about what balls I’m dropping or who I may let down.
Most working people experience ebbs and flows in their schedules. We get weekends and holidays off. We get to unwind in the evenings and recharge our mental batteries during slow periods at work when we can organize our process and feel energized for what’s coming down the pipeline.
But when you’re a parent, there’s almost no down time at all. And when you’re a working parent, you can forget about down time altogether. I’m lucky if I can even grab a full night’s sleep or finish a meal.
I work twice as hard as a mom as I do as a business owner, but when my business cries out for attention, my kids inevitably begin to protest in ways that tear at my heart. For example, my 2-year-old refuses to leave my side whenever I enter the room and cries inconsolably when it’s time for me to go. My 5-year-old insists I read to her four books in a row - no doubt because it allows her to sit next to me for a long time and focus my full attention on her. But this is working motherhood, and I accept that.
It isn’t always one crazy day after another and I have to admit working late for me means that I don’t get downstairs until 5:30 p.m. instead of 4:30 p.m. Still, when you’re stuck in the hamster wheel, it’s hard not to feel like there’s no end in sight.
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This article was originally published in the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, March 3, 2007.
