By Jacqueline Dooley
I ditched work last Tuesday to spend the morning with my daughter, Emily, for her very first Kindermusik class. I will, in fact, be ditching work every Tuesday morning to take Emily to Kindermusik for the next 15 weeks or so.
For the uninitiated, Kindermusik is a “Mommy and Me” type of music class for children from birth to age 7. Classes (for babies and toddlers) last 45 minutes, are built around a theme (animals, seasons, the home, etc.) and explore aspects of that theme through music, singing, spoken word and dance.
Kathy Burns, owner of Kathy’s Korner Piano & Kindermusik was our instructor for the class, which contained six or seven bright-eyed toddlers (including Emily). When we arrived, Emily was delighted to see many squishy balls scattered around the room (some of them change color with the heat of your hand!)
It was a deja vu moment for me. I’d stepped into Kathy’s studio on more than one occasion three years ago when my older daughter, Ana, was two. Ana took Kindermusik from about 10 months old until she was almost three though not all classes were instructed by Kathy.
I was unable to take Ana to her first Kindermusik classes when she was a baby because I worked full-time, so my husband (reluctantly) took her each week. It wasn’t until I got laid off from my job when Ana was about 16 months old that I finally got to take her.
The experience of going to Kindermusik with Ana — something I’d wanted to do for a while — was bittersweet at first. I was reeling from being out of work, and felt completely disconnected with the other parents in the class — most of whom stayed at home full time and seemed to feel way more secure in that role than I did at the time.
I had a hard time thinking of myself as a full-time stay-at-home mom — not because I have a problem with that label, but because it had literally happened overnight. I felt like an imposter. I quickly learned to love that role, by the way, though it was short lived. I worked part time for the next couple of years which enabled me to attend a lot more Kindermusik classes with Ana as well as play dates, library story times and visits to the park.
My first day at Kindermusik with Emily was very similar to my first day with Ana. Emily wasn’t quite sure of the room or the new faces or the music. She sat on my lap a lot; she played with the instruments but liked putting them away more. She loved Kathy’s bouncy bean bag chairs just like Ana had.
But there were also some really distinct differences for me personally. I was at Kindermusik because I’d scheduled it into my day — into my life. I didn’t feel rushed to get back to work because I didn’t have a boss waiting for me to check in.
I wasn’t reeling from being suddenly out of work and thrust into a new role that I wasn’t ready for and, best of all, I felt no guilt. Not an ounce! It was such a joy having the opportunity to share an experience with Emily that I’d been able to enjoy with Ana, that I had a hard time worrying about labels at all.
Working mother, stay-at-home mother, self-employed mother, working father — whatever! We were all shaking bells, hopping like kangaroos and singing out loud like we owned the place. I can’t wait until next Tuesday.
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This article was published by the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, August 23rd, 2006 under the title, “Class has lessons for daughter, mom“
by Jacqueline Dooley
vacation is over, kids are back to school and the year is growing old. As a consultant for six ad agencies, I can confidently say it’s a busy time in the advertising and marketing world.
It’s so easy to get lost in the chaos of work this time of year, but there is one day it’s impossible to focus on work. In spite of the momentum we may have been building after Labor Day, my colleagues and I slow down the very next week to reflect and remember one sunny Tuesday morning in September five years ago when the world changed forever.
Even though this is the put-your-head-down-and-work time of year for ad agencies and, thus, for me — I can’t help but push work aside on Sept. 11 to gaze at the sky and wonder why we had to suffer such a tragic loss.
There were so many stories written on or near the anniversary of Sept. 11 in the past week it was difficult to get away from it on any given day, much less not think about it at all. I’ll add to the fray by sharing my own perspective. I personally can’t ignore the impact that day has had on my business, my family and my life.
On Sept. 11, 2001, my daughter was nearly 4 months old. I worked full-time at a Web site development agency and even though I had an infant at home, it was my habit to be at my desk between 8 and 8:30 every morning.
At first, disbelief
I was probably checking my e-mail when a colleague poked her head into my office and announced a plane had just struck the World Trade Center. I remember feeling annoyed with the interruption and wondering why she was so upset. I have a very clear memory of thinking it was a one- or two-person plane, and that it would be OK in a couple of hours.
I remember the rest of the day in bits and pieces: standing in the front lobby with 20 to 30 fellow employees and watching the first tower fall on a tiny T.V., a desperate drive to get home to my baby, a surreal phone conversation with my mother who told me my father had been in Tower 2 that morning for a seminar (he was on the 26th floor and got out unharmed), hours and hours of watching the coverage on CNN and being unable to look away, calls to friends who lived or worked in the city who I couldn’t reach.
What did that day do to my work ethic? It put it into perspective for one thing. It changed everything about what I thought was critically important, including the nature of my work — advertising.
It contributed to the demise of the Web shop where I worked just outside of Kingston (which was actually a tiny division of a much larger direct marketing company). It made me cherish my children and my family more than I ever did, which ultimately inspired me to start my own business so I could build my work life around my family’s (and my own) needs - and not the other way around.
Sept. 11, 2001, was tragic in so many ways. My heart goes out to everyone who lost a loved one on that terrible day. I will stop to remember them each year. I will slow down to reflect on what’s important in life. And I will teach my children to value every moment they have with the people they love.
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This article was published by the Poughkeepsie Journal on Saturday, September 16th, 2006.
by Jacqueline Dooley
Allbusiness.com, an online resource for small business owners, hosts a series of varied and informational blogs about everything from cash flow to technology. One of my favorite blogs is The Working Mothers Blog, updated by Kathy Murdock, a self-employed mom who works out of her home.
Kathy’s recent post about scheduling challenges that working parents face is the inspiration for this week’s column.
I’ve personally found that routine shifts in my kids’ schedules have a big impact on my work schedule, particularly since I work from home. Permanent and/or long-term schedule variations such as a long break from school (e.g., summer) or a new weekly activity like gymnastics often require me to alter my work schedule to accommodate the changes or events. Not that I mind. I mean, it’s all part of being a parent.
Perhaps the problem is more pronounced or frequent because I am so accessible. If I were in an office under the watchful eye of a supervisor, I probably would not be able to vary my hours on a regular basis or skip out every Monday at 4:30 to meet the bus (my husband stays home with the kids, so many of these day-to-day things are covered by him). But since I am my own boss, I can hardly say no to these things.
Short-term or periodic schedule variations also have a big impact on my business. For example, my 2-year-old gets speech therapy once a month. When her therapist comes over, I (more often than not) go downstairs to participate in these sessions.
Working out the kinks
The truth is, I’m still trying to figure out the best way to handle scheduling changes (sudden or otherwise) so that I allow for them and (dare I hope) even look forward to them instead of becoming completely derailed by them.
My Ideal Schedule
I’d love to work from about 8-3 every day and take maybe two evenings a week to make up the hours. However, I tend to get bogged down in household chores and kid stuff in the mornings. Even if I wake up at 6 a.m. it’s not always feasible or even desirable for me to sit down to work before nine because this would cut into coveted time with my kids.
Also since many of my clients are online by 9 am, it is helpful for me to be available then as well.
Still, I suspect that I am being too rigid about my current 9-5 schedule. Do I really need to have fixed hours each week? Likewise, do I need to let all my clients know where I am every hour of the day? If I am responsive and accessible on a consistent basis, does it matter if I disappear at 2 pm on a Wednesday and then make up the time? Now that I’ve warmed up to the idea, the possibilities seem endless.
My oldest daughter starts kindergarten in the fall and my 2-year-old will start preschool 2-3 days a week. I think this is the perfect time to experiment with an adjusted work schedule that breaks away from the 9-5 paradigm. From working longer hours at the beginning of the month, to cutting Fridays in half and working a few hours on Sunday, it may be possible to find a happy medium that enables me to work at a comfortable pace AND be there for my kids.
As for those last minute scheduling shifts, they can’t be avoided. My hope is that a more flexible weekly schedule will help me handle the unexpected hurdles without complete derailment.
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